Struggle

Everyday feels like a struggle. I can't make ends meet and every time a earn a extra cent I get 2 extra bills. I am a single mom who gets no support and I am so tired. I'm tired of never being on top, I'm tired of not enjoying my life and mostly I'm tired of being tired.

Afraid to make a step

Sometimes I feel so afraid. I'm afraid to try and chase my dreams because I am afraid of failing. If I fail then the one talent I thought I possessed will be gone and I will be nothing. I'm afraid to learn that my mom and my friends were wrong and I'm not worthy. I don't want to expose myself like the no talent people you see auditioning for American Idol who truly believe they can sing. I'm also afraid of the responsibility that comes with success. What if I can't keep it up and fall flat on my face? I am immobilized by fear. I can't move forward and won't go back.

2007, I'm still standing

I was happy to leave 2006 with all my new knowledge and confront 2007 head on with a brand spanking new attitude. It was my goal to be more assertive and positive. I was going to be the success I was meant to be and live up to my god given potential. It sounds great and strong.

What happened you may ask? I forgot to arm myself with courage, strength and perseverance. I forgot that even though I am trying to change my life that there would be haters. I forgot that some parts of the universe would test my resolve.

Yes, I fell off for a hot minute. I was so stressed by downsizing, stupid people, negative people, my own misgivings and drama that I was on the ledge,mentally, of the tallest skyscraper ready to jump. I pulled off to the side of the road in my borrowed car on my way to see if my car was a goner and had a melt down. I was convinced I couldn't take another step. I was crying and lost. Luckily I had my trusted cell phone and called my best friend. I believe this man was sent here by the lord just for me. I was still a bit shaky after the call but I felt lighter. Suddenly life couldn't beat me. It is a wonderful thing to have that one person who really knows you and understands you. Now I am renewed and better equipped to be my best in 2007.

We all need to take the time to thank our support group. Thank you to my author sister who inspires me to achieve and to write. Thank you to my "I have been there sister" and you can get through. She hears me out and knows the right things to say. She never judges me and I love her for that. Thank you to my big bear who taught me that I am good person and need to give myself credit for all I have been through and all I have done. Thank you to my parents for all the help with my wonderful son and use of the car when mine was down. Thank you to my friend who we once called "tragedy" for helping me to find humor in any situation.Most importantly I want to thank my son who loves me, inspires me and enriches my life. 2007 will be mine. I will make it through because I am strong, capable, loving and worthy with the best group of friends. I will Thank you all when I complete and publish my first novel and dedicate it to the worthy few.