Struggle

Everyday feels like a struggle. I can't make ends meet and every time a earn a extra cent I get 2 extra bills. I am a single mom who gets no support and I am so tired. I'm tired of never being on top, I'm tired of not enjoying my life and mostly I'm tired of being tired.

Afraid to make a step

Sometimes I feel so afraid. I'm afraid to try and chase my dreams because I am afraid of failing. If I fail then the one talent I thought I possessed will be gone and I will be nothing. I'm afraid to learn that my mom and my friends were wrong and I'm not worthy. I don't want to expose myself like the no talent people you see auditioning for American Idol who truly believe they can sing. I'm also afraid of the responsibility that comes with success. What if I can't keep it up and fall flat on my face? I am immobilized by fear. I can't move forward and won't go back.

2007, I'm still standing

I was happy to leave 2006 with all my new knowledge and confront 2007 head on with a brand spanking new attitude. It was my goal to be more assertive and positive. I was going to be the success I was meant to be and live up to my god given potential. It sounds great and strong.

What happened you may ask? I forgot to arm myself with courage, strength and perseverance. I forgot that even though I am trying to change my life that there would be haters. I forgot that some parts of the universe would test my resolve.

Yes, I fell off for a hot minute. I was so stressed by downsizing, stupid people, negative people, my own misgivings and drama that I was on the ledge,mentally, of the tallest skyscraper ready to jump. I pulled off to the side of the road in my borrowed car on my way to see if my car was a goner and had a melt down. I was convinced I couldn't take another step. I was crying and lost. Luckily I had my trusted cell phone and called my best friend. I believe this man was sent here by the lord just for me. I was still a bit shaky after the call but I felt lighter. Suddenly life couldn't beat me. It is a wonderful thing to have that one person who really knows you and understands you. Now I am renewed and better equipped to be my best in 2007.

We all need to take the time to thank our support group. Thank you to my author sister who inspires me to achieve and to write. Thank you to my "I have been there sister" and you can get through. She hears me out and knows the right things to say. She never judges me and I love her for that. Thank you to my big bear who taught me that I am good person and need to give myself credit for all I have been through and all I have done. Thank you to my parents for all the help with my wonderful son and use of the car when mine was down. Thank you to my friend who we once called "tragedy" for helping me to find humor in any situation.Most importantly I want to thank my son who loves me, inspires me and enriches my life. 2007 will be mine. I will make it through because I am strong, capable, loving and worthy with the best group of friends. I will Thank you all when I complete and publish my first novel and dedicate it to the worthy few.

Good bye 2006

Today I am overjoyed to say good bye to an old year . I rejoice in saying good bye to the woman who didn't know how to say "NO". Good bye to depression and self-doubt. I will reinvent myself in 2007 taking with me all the lessons I learned in 2006 with no plans for any remedial 2006 classes. I will move forward equipped with the strength and perseverence I gained in 2006. I leave behind negative thoughts and feelings of being unworthy. I will be an adveturer and explore new things. I am prepared and anxiously awaiting 2007.

God bless to everyone and be safe. See you on the other side.

Resolutions

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all. This is the time of year when many of us start re evaluating our lives. I know every year I feel I fall short of my goals. This year I resolve to make the most of my time. Too much time is wasted on worrying about what other people have,say about us or think. This year I will only concern myself about what I think is right for me and my son. I will not second guess myself because of something said to me or let anyone use my own fears against me. I challenge all of you to accomplish as much as you can and trust your own instincts.

Pursuit of Happiness

I have been hearing a lot about the movie "Pursuit of Happiness" starring Will Smith. I also watched the CNN special report from Homeless to Wall Street. People are quick to criticise others who are struggling. CNN covered the working poor. Many of us work hard and do what we believe is the right things and yet we struggle. It was good to hear that I wasn't alone or entirely at fault. Things happen in life over which we may have no control. I am not saying all my struggles are due to life alone or other people but I do know I work hard to provide for myself and my son. There are a lot of single-parent households. You can't make someone stay or take responsibility. The government doesn't care and the Calvary isn't coming. I did gain some tips on how to save a little more and more importantly words of wisdom and the strength to carry on. My troubles are here to endure for now. It doesn't have to be a permanent problem. Mr. Gardner went from homeless to wealthy. He did this while being a single parent for a young son.

I want to say enjoy your holidays and keep your faith. There's a new year coming. We can make a fresh start and change our spending habits. You and your children brown bag it for lunch. Think about it. If you spend $10 a day normally for lunch you can save about $150 per month by taking your lunch. I deducted some money from the savings because you would need to buy the sandwich meat plus bread to accomplish this task. Write down daily for a month every penny you spend. You highlight rent,food,utilities,car notes etc. everything not highlighted is discretionary and you can do without. I wish you all the best for the holidays and a more financially stable New Year.

The start of strong self esteem

I am a single mother of a terrific 8 year old boy. My son is bright but because he was very premature and because I felt guilty that his dad wasn't there for him he's been babied. Now my son is being teased at school. Let me start by saying he is a good kid but he's also annoying. He's the kid when you say don't touch me he either touches you anyway or keeps going as close to you as he can without actually touching you. He isn't malicious and he doesn't hurt anyone. The kids at school call him names because they can get a reaction out of him and because he is known to be a little pesky the teacher assumes it his fault always. Now my son thinks he's bad,stupid and ugly. I tell him everyday that he's very smart, he's good and he's handsome but that doesn't seem to be enough. How do you help a boy build up a tough skin without making him lose his caring nature?